Wednesday, September 17, 2014

lost.

MIA yet again, i know so annoying lol

im sure youre probably wondering about the title, well thats me in a nutshell right now.

the most important woman in my life passed away last week, September 9th, and im in a very odd place right now. to lose someone as important as my auelita, most would be devastated. dont get me wrong i am beyond that, but i dont show it.sometimes i feel  horrible about it, why dont i cry?! why havent broken down yet?! yet there are moments, mostly when im alone, when the pain and the sadness can swallow me alive.
see my auelita was and is my mother. she raised both my brother and i. i was 3 and my brother a newborn, and she was 69 years old. she is the strongest woman i have ever met and losing her i dont even know how to put it into words but a piece of me went with her.

losing her has made my spirit wake up. yes im in pain over losing her but my spirit is yearning for so much change, for more positivity. im in a place where i have so much running thru my mind, so much i want to do, yet dont know where to start exactly. my home is in utter chaos, totally representing my mind at the moment.

baby steps i keep telling myself...baby steps and i will get where i need be, where i want to go. im so blessed to have a wife who is down for the ride, who wants the same things i do.

losing you was the worse thing i knew i was going to experience but with that you have opened my spirit to this amazing new life...baby steps, as long as i have you by my side pushing me along, i have no doubt that ill no longer be lost.




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