Wednesday, December 11, 2013

baby fever

I dont know if its something in the air or what, but lately Bae and I have been talking a lot more about having a baby. Yes we already have 3 and why on earth would we want to start over...why not?! For us there will never be a perfect time to have another child. Yes, we'd love to be more financially stable. Yes, we'd love to own our own home, but right now...were fine. MeKai will soon be 7 and that already is a huge gap between him and said future child. Our Khalese will be turning 10 next month and I dont know. Maybe its the fact that theyre growing up so fast, to me at leas. Nah :) Ive accepted that my babies cant be babies forever and Im ok with that because of the amazing little people they are becoming.

Ive always loved being a mommy. Im finally happy & in love and I know that Bae will be an even more amazing mother to a child that she gets to raise from birth.

So we've decided to give this more thought. And with that came more research and the reality of allllll the things we need to do to just even try to conceive and let me tell you its soo overwhelming! Everything is about timing and really getting to know your body, more than Id like to to be honest lol But as i do more research and go into groups of same sex couples its so nice to see other happy couples going thru the same struggles, if that makes sense.

Its so sad for me to finally be in a good happy place and not be able to just share the bond of creating life with the one I love as easily as your normal couple. But seeing other couples trying to have a baby of their own and actually conceiving, melts my heart. Gives me hope! And although we dont know when we will actually start trying, its nice to have my loves support and know that she wants this as much as I do.

Friday, December 6, 2013

full of love

Right now as you know I have a lot of things to get done. Im sending out baby shower invites today so Im super happy to put a big old CHECK mark next to that. Usually our weekends are super busy...well they will be for the next few weeks, but the past few weekends have been really laid back and I must say that I enjoy that but shh dont tell Bae I said that.She would much rather spend time at home and do absolutely nothing! Me not so much, well during the winter Im not too opposed to it because I hate being cold but come spring and summer this girls gotta be outside taking in the sun.
But during the coldest time of the year, I love spending time with just my wife and my littles. Not that I dont enjoy or embrace them any other time, I dont know what it is about the winter time that just makes me want to squeeze them to pieces and drown them all in love. are some pics of the randomness that my little family has been up to since the sun decided to go MIA!

Shes back! Thats right Mrs Pixie herself and the kids loved the way she made her first appearance! Now to continue getting thru the rest of December is the trick!

Me enjoying Pixie's lovely hot chocolate as we watched Hotel Transylvania with the babies who didnt even save their moms any cookies, Im not bitter tho!

I absolutely LIVE for these moments, when they all love eachother...maybe pretending but still you know.

Here's Bae being all creative for her Secret Santa, who happens to be her BFF Joel! Shes so creative as Ive mentioned before. So she painted his face on canvas and had a ball doing it! Now if only we could get her to stick with it...
The other mysterious pic is MY painting for my BFF and her little baby Harper. Im trying to complete this painting in time for her shower on the 21st, yes the one Im throwing AND Im trying to crochet her a blanket. Yea wish me luck!

My love and I at her moms house the day after Thanksgiving enjoying a glass of wine. Im crazy about that woman right there :)

& this right words can describe the love I feel for my family! The older they get, the wiser they become, the more I adore them. To think that I have a hand in molding them and that they are the mature,smart, gorgeous children that they are completely melts me! I love being a mother to the most amazing children ever. This is my purpose in life and let me tell you I embrace it all! I couldnt ask for more!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Post Holiday bleh

Here we are already December 3rd and as we try to recover from an amazing Thanksgiving, before you know it ITS CHRISTMAS!

For us its a little more complicated. We have our little Kayla's birthday on December 16th, then we have Christmas and on January 5th our biggest little Khalese will be turning 10! Aside from these normal events that we have yearly lol, we've thrown in the mix my family's annual Prima's (Cousins) Christmas Party, happening this Saturday & Im also planning my best friends baby shower which is scheduled for the 21st!
Let me say that overwhelmed doesnt even begin to describe what Im feeling. Dont get me wrong I love planning parties, I think the fact that they are happening back to back and all around Christmas thats whats getting to me.

Christmas in our household is the BEST TIME of the year! Once Thanksgiving hits it just always feels like complete happiness,cozy,lovey family time & I absolutely love that! The Sunday after Thanksgiving our little tree goes up with all our random ornaments. Then December 1st our little Elf Pixie joins us in the Christmas fun and the kids love her! This time of year is full of traditions I never had as a kid and to be able to create some with my family means everything to me.

Every year, we take the kids to Target to pick out a new ornament for themselves. Or we make one! Our littles love going thru their random ornaments from years passed and its cute to see them laugh and just love it! We've also been doing Elf on The Shelf for 3 years! We used to have Red Fred but during our move to Alexandria I some how misplaced him so when I went to get a new little guy I ended up with a gal...who we explained was Red Freds wife Pixie!The littles loveeeeeed the thought that Fred was married and had gotten promoted to work at the toy factory with Santa :) We also have Santa send them a video message every year. It all sounds like we like to torture them, we really dont lol we like the enjoyment of seeing them really pull it together to get on the Nice list!

I love this time of year but now this girls gotta pull it together to get all these events to go off with a hitch!

I have a lot of pics to post and a few projects Ive been working on so Ill be back soon :)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

not good enough

Being married to Bae, being in a same-sex marriage, us being women raising a boy....sometimes people think that we're not doing a good enough job. No one will ever straight come out and say "Hey...uhm you know, you being two women raising a boy, its not right. You're gonna mess him up and turn him into a girl, he needs a man in his life..." or whatever the hell it is that they think.

Let me be perfectly clear....T and I dont need to have a penis between our legs to raise a boy. We have been raising MeKai together since he was 1 without the help of any man, INCLUDING his "father" This boy has manners, can spell his ass off, can do laundry from start to finish, will fold the laundry better than your spouse, has been changing his bed sheets since the early age of 5, is the most loving, caring sweetest harmless little boy Ive ever met. He loves his super heros, his cool hero shirts, his new shoes, his awesome hats. He will play dolls with his sisters,or his bestest girl friend and not think twice about it.

See the thing is, is this kid, well not just him our girls too, theyve had people play this in and out game. Meaning, when these people think about our kids or when its convenient for them, they will be a part of their lives. They will come visit, call them....and then theyre out. No hesitation. MeKai has men in his lives. Not the best men and definitely not the kind of men that I would want him to look up to or idolize, but he has men. Men that tell him boys dont hug boys they high five, boys dont kiss boys, boys dont play with dolls or dress up with the girls. Some of those things MeKai has heard from his own father as he tried to give his father a hug before he left. Im sure many of you will agree that those ARE things that boys shouldnt do. And that the only reason he does those things IS because he's being raised by two women so of course he needs a man around to show him how boys should behave. And to that I say F$^%* YOU! Our son doesnt need a man in his life, to show him that he shouldn't cry when someone hurts his feelings. Or a man to belittle him for wanting to play dolls with his sisters. A man to make him hate himself and these "girl" emotions that he has. In my eyes, we're are raising the best little boy in the world. He will not only know how to do his own laundry but wont bitch and moan about having to go to the mall with his girlfriend/boyfriend to pick out an outfit for their date.

Im so over having people wanting to be the man that he needs in his life. Im done letting them make me feel like T and I arent doing a good enough job raising a MAN because were women. Im over it and I wont allow it anymore.


One of the many talks

So as you all may or may not know, I have 3 littles. Khalese who will be 10 in January, Kayla who turns 9 in December and our little guy MeKai who is 6 and a half.

With our girls being the age that they are, T & I have been trying to figure out when we can sit down with them and have one of the many talks. No, not the birds and the bees talk...we did that already, well the jest of it. The "Oh em gee, why am I bleeding!!!!" talk.

Khalese started, what did her pediatrician call it, ah yes budding! T & I thought that it was a little bit of baby fat left no biggie right. Nope! At her visit last year, her doctor told us she was budding and had about a year or two until she got her MENSTRUAL CYCLE!!!! *bangs head on desk repeatedly* I promise you I am not ready for this at all what so ever.

T & I have been putting of this talk since. But tonight will be the night mommy pulls out her books and sits both girls down and have this oh so lovely talk. In all honesty, I want them to feel comfortable talking to us, I mean what parent doesnt want that right. Id rather they learn all about the changes theyre about to go through from us, than from hearing from their friends, or school or god forbid that Aunt Flow decides to pay them a visit before we get to have this talk and I get a call from school telling me Khalese had an "accident" How freaking traumatic!

So tonight after homework and dinner we will begin our talk. I will begin reading and engaging them in convo because for all I know they could be going through all kinds of emotional changes now but because I want them to stay little forever I just dont ask. Sad I know, but I dont want to imagine my babies growing up...let alone turning 10 or budding or whatever else theyre going through.Ugh we'll get through this right?

Saturday, November 9, 2013

45 more days

Today T & I were lucky enough to get a few hours away to ourselves so we went out to eat. On our little adventure in the mall, we of course had to go into Build A Bear :) What?! Whats wrong with two adults just randomly running into Build A Bear because they just saw the cutest My Little Pony everrrrrr that they just must have for themselves! Any who, while in the store, we looked up and noticed a sign that said "45 more days" 45 more days....45 more days til what?! It took me about 39 seconds to realize that they were telling us that there are 45 more days til CHRISTMAS!!!!
I know right! We couldn't believe it either.
So with this new revelation, we decided it was time to get ahead of the game and start shopping for Xmas. We hit up Walmart as we do every year to commence our shopping but boy were we disappointed. We went to 2 Walmart stores and got nothing done! Needless to say that we will be attempting this again....when were kid free which is going to be hard because we have them attached to us 24hrs a day.

There you have it! We only have 45 more days til the greatest holiday of the year! and if you're like us, you're panicking because 45 days is just not enough!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

the skinny on healthy eating

THIS right here is my downfall. This girl loves to eat day and night and every minute in between. I have no issue getting to the gym, for the most part, I can sweat and work it out 'til I can't breathe but that whole clean eating thing is what breaks me every time.

Yesterday I mentioned how I have found this balance. Ive noticed, that for myself, as long as I get my workouts if not daily at least every other day, and try to eat better that my body loves it! I see immediate changes but some where along the road I lose it and just pig out.

So Im gonna try to find a method to my madness. I dont want to do the drastic "eat clean" thing but I will try to make small changes, baby steps right. Most of the people I follow on IG or the blogs that I love all suggest that you meal prep, prepare your meals for the week Sunday night. That too me is a little much. Yes granted Im sure it works for many but I can barely come up with dinner for my family on a normal night.

via the skinny confidential
Im currently following yet another new blog that I love. Lauryn from The Skinny Confidential has the best posts on almost anything and everything you can think of! I peeked at her fitness section today and came across her interview with Carly Zuffinetti and reading Carly's day schedule for eats sounded just like my typical day. From the times that she would eat to the things she eats! Check Lauryns interview and tell me what you think! Im giving this a go :)

Monday, November 4, 2013

skinny fat

On a lighter note, I have goals. Well one MAJOR one that I really cant seem to stick to but Im trying it again.

I am what you would call "skinny fat" 

pic via the skinny confidential

Skinny fat: (adj) to appear skinny, but feel soft. Someone who is naturally thin but never works out. 
Urban Dictionary defines it as "someone who is thin and looks great in clothes, but is all flabby underneath." "a physique, while not overweight (and possibly underweight) lacks any visible lean, striated tissue". 

That would be me! I have always been thin. People say they hate how thin I am for having three kids, how lucky I am, how great I look. All thats cool and all but this girl HATES how flabby she is underneath. Everyone looks at me like i have 3 heads when I say that because to them Im IT! the perfect thin body. But my butt jiggles like no other, my tummy (although small but still) wont go away and the little muffin top thing that comes and goes, dont even get me started! 

T and I would hit the gym religiously and some how have fallen off. I hate cardio, I cant eat right to save my life BUT I know what my body can handle. I have been lucky enough to have found my balance. Everyone is always concerned about dieting, or eat super clean that they deprive their body. I believe you can eat clean and eat a cookie, piece of cake or whatever here and there with moderation. At the end of the day YOU have to live with your choices and YOU can put that extra serving of potatos down and walk away.

So Im giving it a go! I know what I want and I want my abs and a nice toned body. Im working on getting T on board again but Im sure she'll join in on the fun! I will keep you all updated on how its all going...slow baby steps #meagainstmyself

never ready

Death Afterlife hmm being called home, whatever you like to call it, no matter how prepared you think you might be, no one is ever ready.

Ive been having these numbing,heart breaking dreams that involve my sweet loving grama Auelita. In these very real dreams, shes told me that shes leaving me or someone tells me that shes already gone. As much as I like to think that, yes I know my time with her is limited, that I have a grip on all honestly I know that I am not ready at all. You see Ive only had to deal or face the passing of a loved one twice in my life with the passing of my grandfather (who I wasnt as close to as I wouldve liked) and my little nephew (who I only met once) and both those times yes I was beyond sad, couldn't sleep, would burst into tears randomly but as time has gone by, its gotten a little easier. My Auelita raised my brother and I from when I was 3. She at the time was 69. Can you imagine raising toddlers at that age woo! So needless to say this lady means the world to me. 

I remember growing up telling her that she was going to live to be 100 years old and she would curse me saying shed never want to live that long, it would be torture. Two weeks ago, she turned 94 :)

I remember being pregnant with my Khalese and her trying to take care of me. I was still living with her at the time and she told me that we would be fine, that we would make it work. Once I had Khalese, she and my brother rode the train to come see us at the hospital. As time went by she would tell me how she wasnt sure she would get to see Khalese take her first steps. That is her with Khalese and Kayla, theyre almost 10 and 9 years old now.

And here she is with my little guy who is now 6. I am so blessed to have had this woman in my life and am so grateful that shes been able to be in the lives of my little babies. That they know who she is and what she means to me. 

Someone once told me "Once you pass, your soul extends beyond you. You become the wind, the leaves that scatter across the ground, the warm feeling that the sun gives us, and every nostalgic scent we smell.." No matter when its time for her to go home, I know that she'll be happier. She'll be resting finally. And as I sit here and write this I know that all I can do is enjoy every minute I have with her. To just remember her the way she is and was, this feisty, hard headed, very independent woman who taught me to protect my children against everything and anyone. Who taught me to be the fighter that I am, to fight for what I want because no one is just going to hand it to me. Who taught me to take care of my family first above everything, theyre all we have in the end.

I will forever owe her my life and am forever grateful for the woman shes made me. Until that dreaded day comes, I'll continue to visit her every Sunday, keep all her plates, cups, random clowns that scare my kids and T because theyre all her and theyre all me.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Happy Halloween

Last night went GREAT! The kiddies had fun! Half way thru we let Kayla and MeKai wear our zombie heads and they loved it. They were really good sports about it all :) For those of you who dont know, they were punished and had Halloween taken away.

Here they are! Khalese was the cutest little black cat :) T made the zombie heads at work. She so freakin talented I wish she would just embrace her artistic side!

This is me! Every year I say Im not gonna dress up but I end up making something and here I am! This was the tutu I made for Kayla but after she decided that she was just too busy to remember to pack her soccer shoes for practice on Wednesday I decided to keep it to myself :)

My zombie wife! I love waking up to that face every morning. Im such a lucky girl ♥

The neighbors pumpkins. So creative!

The zombie heads. I loveeee these. I wore the girl zombie on my back and T wore the boy. Once we thought Kayla and MeKai had suffered enough, we handed them over to them :)

Hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween! I know we did!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Stop doubting yourself

T & I find ourselves always, well most nights, talking in bed going over things that have happened thru our day, things that happened with the littles and we seems to always come to the conclusion that we're just not the great mothers we think we are or can be.

We'll replay an argument between the kids and how we handled it, or how MeKai came home just talking non-stop and all we could do was nod and say "uh-huh, thats cool" because we tuned him out after the first 3 minutes and we sit there tears in our eyes, well MY eyes, feeling like the worse mother on planet earth and that tomorrow I will change!

Today scrolling thru Facebook, Huffington Post posted this lovely post about what else, MOMS. "The video every mom must watch on repeat until she gets it" with the caption " not hit play unless you have tissues in hand" So you know I just had to watch, and I swear 15 seconds in I had that tissue working!
I always seem to torture myself during the work day with things that will make me cry.

It was so nice to see that 1 Im not the only mother that thinks the worst of herself and that 2 Im not a horrible, evil mother. That our littles more than likely do love us. But something you learn or realize as time goes by, you cant help but constantly think that you are messing up your kids in some way. As a parent, I think that will never change. You will forever worry about the impression you are making on these little people that look up to you!.....and thats a scary thing!


As you can see there is no Pumkin mess Pt 2. So sad I know! But when we went home Tuesday night, we found poor Khalese's pumpkin on the kitchen floor next to Chewie!! Talk about a HUGE mess!

But tonight's Halloween and we're ready. Khalese is the only child that will be in full costume but we're all going out as a family like every year and hitting up Baema's ( thats Bae's mommy) neighborhood.

I know Kayla and MeKai will be down in the dumps but this mommy's gotta stick to her word! They need to get themselves together and think about the consequences of their actions. They also need to keep in mind that Christmas is around the corner and Miss Kayla's birthday is a week before so they better shape up.

I swear Im not an evil mommy set to make my children's live miserable.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

sometimes I wonder

For all my parents out there reading this, when the kids mess up and get punished, do you ever wonder if your punishment was too harsh? Sometimes I feel like I second guess myself more often than not.

Today Kayla is FREE! Her punishment is finally over. Girlie got grounded for 2 weeks AND was not able to get a Halloween costume because of it. Long story short, Kayla has her mother's sweet tooth and was constantly sneaking sweets any and every chance she got. Once we got wind of this we talked to her and punished her by just grounding her for a week and no dessert. Pfft I think thats the biggest joke cuz back in my day we didnt get dessert (wow I feel super old everytime I say back in my day *sigh*) but my littles think they are supposed to get it every night. Any who, the very next day, miss one decided to eat cookies by the handful. When I found out and I asked her about it, she was very honest, which we always appreciate, and that's when I added another week because c'mon we just had this talk less than 24 hours ago. So I grounded her and told her that one more thing comes up shes not going to get a Halloween costume, no if ands or buts about it! 24 hours later...sneaking Oreo's! I swear I thought I was bad but shes got me beat. So NO COSTUME! Trust me that I felt truly bad about it because this is totally a kids holiday. They look forward to dressing up and getting candy by the bag full. But she did this to herself and I have to keep my word right?!  

MeKai is on the same boat with her! This dear child of mine can not seem to detach from any electronic to take himself to the bathroom. They're his biggest issue. So naturally he had an accident while playing on the IPad but the icing on the cake was that 1. he didnt tell us about it and 2. he didnt change himself. We've always told him we understand accidents will happen, and although we dont think him having an accident while in the house, while watching TV is by any means ok, he needs to change himself immediately. We grounded him October 10th and told him that he had 21 DAYS to get himself together and earn his costume back. Day 3 same issue. Here we are less than 2 days away and weve had the same scenario happen about 3 more times.

The dilemma: I hate that they cant have their costumes! But I know I have to follow thru with their punishment that I came up with. I did this all on my own even T looked at me side ways but then she smiled that thats my girl! 

My compromise: They get to participate for Halloween and get a costume BUT a costume that Bae & I make or pick out. Or you dont get to participate. I have the cutest idea for Kayla that naturally came from Pinterest and I can totally see her owning it! Bae found this cute BEMO for MeKai that shes thinking of making. Bae is pretty crafty so I know she can get it done in 2 days!

I'd love to know what you think of my mess! What mess have you had to deal with and how did you go about it.

Pumpkin mess Pt 1

Last night the T & I got the girls started on carving theyre pumpkins. They picked out their picture to carve and went to work. I had clearly forgotten how smelly the inside of a pumpkin is yuck!

It was so cute to see them enjoy themselves the way they did. They were beyond proud when they were

Tonight T, MeKai and myself will be carving the bigger pumpkin and the remaining little ones :) MeKai has a habit of always picking the baby pumpkins at every patch that we go too. He's done this since the first time we ever took them to a pumpkin patch, so naturally he was upset that he couldnt careve his little guy last night. It'll be fun to see him getting mess with his Bae♥

Monday, October 28, 2013

blog blog blog

I have been trying to revamp this little blog of mine to make it feel more! But man this whole making a blog thing and making it all your own is wayyy harder than I thought.

Ive been messing with the font, I changed the whole blog name, I know probably not very helpful to the oh so many followers I have LOL I just stumbled upon this thing called PAGES I know as time goes by you will see that I have my very random and slow moments so please bare with me :) Anywho these lovely pages that Ive seen on everyones blogs and Ive always wondered how in the heck they got them and why cant I have I DO!

This girl is slowly but surely learning. So just enjoy this little ride of changes...change is good!

Friday, October 25, 2013

sweet happiness

T had a blog way back when and I just so happened to have it on my reading list. Unfortunately, I cant go to her blog anymore but I can read little snippets from her 2 year old posts.

It was bitter sweet reading her post. Most were of us and the littles and how excited she was to have a new camera to play with. But there was one post in particular that made me kinda teary. It was named Accept and there was a picture of...ME! and all it said was "Im perfectly happy here. With her...with them...with me :)" and 5 years later I have no doubt that she feels the same.

We are far from the perfect couple. We argue and yell and get annoyed like the next couple. We cry, we laugh, we ignore but above it all we LOVE! She is my best friend and I know that I can count on her for anything!

Some how this just turned into the mushiest post ever and that was not my intention....ahem but yes lets just say that this girl has finally found sweet happiness with someone she never saw coming.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

retail therapy

Yesterday was an OK day until it was time to go home. The kids and I leave the office, head down to the car and whats this...a BOOT on my car! Great! After dealing with the boot and missing Kayla's soccer practice, I just wanted to crawl into bed and go to sleep.

As T & I sat on our couch I turn to her and ask "...wanna go to Michael's?" and who can turn down a trip to Michael's right?! Definitely not T. So as we head to the car T suggested that we make our way to Sal! and yesterday was WEDNESDAY which means CUSTOMER APPRECIATION DAY 25% OFF EVERYTHING! So these girls were ready to find some great things!

Heres find number 1. We found some great picture frames many were made of wood that we can play around with and make them all our own which I love! 

Off our high of such amazing finds we headed to Michael's. And it was our night because they were having a huge sale as well! S C O R E! 

Heres a little collage of what we picked up. Those cute little owls on the top right were 70% off! Steal right! I dont know what it is, but Im totally into owls right now and Im not ashamed. I also got myself those 2 cute little box shelves and some paint and went to work on them last night. Im so excited to put them up! 

Let me say that I love that I have a wife that is ok with us going shopping, even if it is for little trinkets, when Im feeling down or after a bad day. Im such a lucky girl♥

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Trip to Sal

So Ive decided to start this Blog thing all over again! Right Ive said it before but Im really gonna try this time.

Ive recently, well as of yesterday, started following the cutest blog! touch of serendipity Ragan is super cute and random like myself and I love it! T and I are currently in the middle of trying to refurnish our little apartment, make it more homey, and looking at Ragans blog weve gotten so many easy DIY ideas. So T went on the hunt for some cute ideas/projects of our own. Let me say that I did NOT expect her to be this excited or find projects that look like they require a lot of work.

Take this new couch project that she wants to do! Cute no doubt about it, the labor behind it eh Im not too sure about.

THIS super cute! I would love to make this but again seems like a lot of work!

&& lets not even talk about this home G A R D E N! Ive always wanted a garden but weve always lived in apartments and I never got around to buying those hanging over the balcony things to make a garden but this I dont know! Yes a lot of work but I think itll be worth it!

During her Googling expedition, T got the bright idea that we should take a trip to Sal (Salvation Army) Her mom is great for finding awesome rustic furniture that T thinks would be fun DIY projects. So looks like well be spending some time at Home Depot and Sal and locked up in our home for awhile!