selfish
why does it feel selfish to put yourself first?
so i had a conversation with my son last night and this morning about a dilemma he is facing. hes in a position where if he puts someone elses happiness above his own, it will mess with his emotional wellbeing but if he chooses to put himself and his mental health first, he feels selfish which also messes with his emotional wellbeing.
/ˈselfiSH/
- (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
by definition, my son is anything BUT selfish. i find myself in a similar dilemma; do i continue to put my mental and emotional wellbeing on the back burner to be there for V during this difficult time and continue to give her most of my time and energy while i have almost nothing left to give to my kids or myself. OR do i step back and give her the space to do whatever she needs to do and reclaim my energy, get grounded, be present again for my kids?
putting yourself first seems and feels so damn selfish. especially to those of us who perpetually put ourselves LAST. my son and i are very aware of our choices and the risk we run of being emotionally drained by not choosing us and yet we would rather make others happy or feel cared for than to give that to ourselves.
writing that last sentence just now hit me a little hard. we're so good at giving love and care to others, its easy, natural for us yet so strange and difficult to give it to ourselves.
i advised my son (as id do anyone) to sit and really think about both options. to me ultimately, his emotional wellbeing means everything and i would want him to choose himself. i told him that if is honest in this situation that the party involved would understand. and no need to be super honest and give details just honest enough where there is no confusion that he is taking care of himself and is sitting out. and if said party doesnt understand, thats not for him to worry about nor can he control or change that.
we all know that we cant pour from an empty cup and that we need to take care of us first to show up fully for others.
so again i ask, why does it feel so selfish to put yourself first
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