Tuesday, November 12, 2013

not good enough

Being married to Bae, being in a same-sex marriage, us being women raising a boy....sometimes people think that we're not doing a good enough job. No one will ever straight come out and say "Hey...uhm you know, you being two women raising a boy, its not right. You're gonna mess him up and turn him into a girl, he needs a man in his life..." or whatever the hell it is that they think.

Let me be perfectly clear....T and I dont need to have a penis between our legs to raise a boy. We have been raising MeKai together since he was 1 without the help of any man, INCLUDING his "father" This boy has manners, can spell his ass off, can do laundry from start to finish, will fold the laundry better than your spouse, has been changing his bed sheets since the early age of 5, is the most loving, caring sweetest harmless little boy Ive ever met. He loves his super heros, his cool hero shirts, his new shoes, his awesome hats. He will play dolls with his sisters,or his bestest girl friend and not think twice about it.

See the thing is, is this kid, well not just him our girls too, theyve had people play this in and out game. Meaning, when these people think about our kids or when its convenient for them, they will be a part of their lives. They will come visit, call them....and then theyre out. No hesitation. MeKai has men in his lives. Not the best men and definitely not the kind of men that I would want him to look up to or idolize, but he has men. Men that tell him boys dont hug boys they high five, boys dont kiss boys, boys dont play with dolls or dress up with the girls. Some of those things MeKai has heard from his own father as he tried to give his father a hug before he left. Im sure many of you will agree that those ARE things that boys shouldnt do. And that the only reason he does those things IS because he's being raised by two women so of course he needs a man around to show him how boys should behave. And to that I say F$^%* YOU! Our son doesnt need a man in his life, to show him that he shouldn't cry when someone hurts his feelings. Or a man to belittle him for wanting to play dolls with his sisters. A man to make him hate himself and these "girl" emotions that he has. In my eyes, we're are raising the best little boy in the world. He will not only know how to do his own laundry but wont bitch and moan about having to go to the mall with his girlfriend/boyfriend to pick out an outfit for their date.

Im so over having people wanting to be the man that he needs in his life. Im done letting them make me feel like T and I arent doing a good enough job raising a MAN because were women. Im over it and I wont allow it anymore.

THIS IS LOVE ...like it or not THIS is OUR LOVE!

One of the many talks

So as you all may or may not know, I have 3 littles. Khalese who will be 10 in January, Kayla who turns 9 in December and our little guy MeKai who is 6 and a half.

With our girls being the age that they are, T & I have been trying to figure out when we can sit down with them and have one of the many talks. No, not the birds and the bees talk...we did that already, well the jest of it. The "Oh em gee, why am I bleeding!!!!" talk.

Khalese started, what did her pediatrician call it, ah yes budding! T & I thought that it was a little bit of baby fat left no biggie right. Nope! At her visit last year, her doctor told us she was budding and had about a year or two until she got her MENSTRUAL CYCLE!!!! *bangs head on desk repeatedly* I promise you I am not ready for this at all what so ever.

T & I have been putting of this talk since. But tonight will be the night mommy pulls out her books and sits both girls down and have this oh so lovely talk. In all honesty, I want them to feel comfortable talking to us, I mean what parent doesnt want that right. Id rather they learn all about the changes theyre about to go through from us, than from hearing from their friends, or school or god forbid that Aunt Flow decides to pay them a visit before we get to have this talk and I get a call from school telling me Khalese had an "accident" How freaking traumatic!

So tonight after homework and dinner we will begin our talk. I will begin reading and engaging them in convo because for all I know they could be going through all kinds of emotional changes now but because I want them to stay little forever I just dont ask. Sad I know, but I dont want to imagine my babies growing up...let alone turning 10 or budding or whatever else theyre going through.Ugh we'll get through this right?

Saturday, November 9, 2013

45 more days

Today T & I were lucky enough to get a few hours away to ourselves so we went out to eat. On our little adventure in the mall, we of course had to go into Build A Bear :) What?! Whats wrong with two adults just randomly running into Build A Bear because they just saw the cutest My Little Pony everrrrrr that they just must have for themselves! Any who, while in the store, we looked up and noticed a sign that said "45 more days" 45 more days....45 more days til what?! It took me about 39 seconds to realize that they were telling us that there are 45 more days til CHRISTMAS!!!!
I know right! We couldn't believe it either.
So with this new revelation, we decided it was time to get ahead of the game and start shopping for Xmas. We hit up Walmart as we do every year to commence our shopping but boy were we disappointed. We went to 2 Walmart stores and got nothing done! Needless to say that we will be attempting this again....when were kid free which is going to be hard because we have them attached to us 24hrs a day.

There you have it! We only have 45 more days til the greatest holiday of the year! and if you're like us, you're panicking because 45 days is just not enough!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

the skinny on healthy eating

THIS right here is my downfall. This girl loves to eat day and night and every minute in between. I have no issue getting to the gym, for the most part, I can sweat and work it out 'til I can't breathe but that whole clean eating thing is what breaks me every time.

Yesterday I mentioned how I have found this balance. Ive noticed, that for myself, as long as I get my workouts if not daily at least every other day, and try to eat better that my body loves it! I see immediate changes but some where along the road I lose it and just pig out.

So Im gonna try to find a method to my madness. I dont want to do the drastic "eat clean" thing but I will try to make small changes, baby steps right. Most of the people I follow on IG or the blogs that I love all suggest that you meal prep, prepare your meals for the week Sunday night. That too me is a little much. Yes granted Im sure it works for many but I can barely come up with dinner for my family on a normal night.

via the skinny confidential
Im currently following yet another new blog that I love. Lauryn from The Skinny Confidential has the best posts on almost anything and everything you can think of! I peeked at her fitness section today and came across her interview with Carly Zuffinetti and reading Carly's day schedule for eats sounded just like my typical day. From the times that she would eat to the things she eats! Check Lauryns interview and tell me what you think! Im giving this a go :)

Monday, November 4, 2013

skinny fat

On a lighter note, I have goals. Well one MAJOR one that I really cant seem to stick to but Im trying it again.

I am what you would call "skinny fat" 

pic via the skinny confidential

Skinny fat: (adj) to appear skinny, but feel soft. Someone who is naturally thin but never works out. 
Urban Dictionary defines it as "someone who is thin and looks great in clothes, but is all flabby underneath." "a physique, while not overweight (and possibly underweight) lacks any visible lean, striated tissue". 

That would be me! I have always been thin. People say they hate how thin I am for having three kids, how lucky I am, how great I look. All thats cool and all but this girl HATES how flabby she is underneath. Everyone looks at me like i have 3 heads when I say that because to them Im IT! the perfect thin body. But my butt jiggles like no other, my tummy (although small but still) wont go away and the little muffin top thing that comes and goes, dont even get me started! 

T and I would hit the gym religiously and some how have fallen off. I hate cardio, I cant eat right to save my life BUT I know what my body can handle. I have been lucky enough to have found my balance. Everyone is always concerned about dieting, or eat super clean that they deprive their body. I believe you can eat clean and eat a cookie, piece of cake or whatever here and there with moderation. At the end of the day YOU have to live with your choices and YOU can put that extra serving of potatos down and walk away.

So Im giving it a go! I know what I want and I want my abs and a nice toned body. Im working on getting T on board again but Im sure she'll join in on the fun! I will keep you all updated on how its all going...slow baby steps #meagainstmyself

never ready

Death Afterlife hmm being called home, whatever you like to call it, no matter how prepared you think you might be, no one is ever ready.

Ive been having these numbing,heart breaking dreams that involve my sweet loving grama Auelita. In these very real dreams, shes told me that shes leaving me or someone tells me that shes already gone. As much as I like to think that, yes I know my time with her is limited, that I have a grip on reality...in all honestly I know that I am not ready at all. You see Ive only had to deal or face the passing of a loved one twice in my life with the passing of my grandfather (who I wasnt as close to as I wouldve liked) and my little nephew (who I only met once) and both those times yes I was beyond sad, couldn't sleep, would burst into tears randomly but as time has gone by, its gotten a little easier. My Auelita raised my brother and I from when I was 3. She at the time was 69. Can you imagine raising toddlers at that age woo! So needless to say this lady means the world to me. 

I remember growing up telling her that she was going to live to be 100 years old and she would curse me saying shed never want to live that long, it would be torture. Two weeks ago, she turned 94 :)

I remember being pregnant with my Khalese and her trying to take care of me. I was still living with her at the time and she told me that we would be fine, that we would make it work. Once I had Khalese, she and my brother rode the train to come see us at the hospital. As time went by she would tell me how she wasnt sure she would get to see Khalese take her first steps. That is her with Khalese and Kayla, theyre almost 10 and 9 years old now.

And here she is with my little guy who is now 6. I am so blessed to have had this woman in my life and am so grateful that shes been able to be in the lives of my little babies. That they know who she is and what she means to me. 

Someone once told me "Once you pass, your soul extends beyond you. You become the wind, the leaves that scatter across the ground, the warm feeling that the sun gives us, and every nostalgic scent we smell.." No matter when its time for her to go home, I know that she'll be happier. She'll be resting finally. And as I sit here and write this I know that all I can do is enjoy every minute I have with her. To just remember her the way she is and was, this feisty, hard headed, very independent woman who taught me to protect my children against everything and anyone. Who taught me to be the fighter that I am, to fight for what I want because no one is just going to hand it to me. Who taught me to take care of my family first above everything, theyre all we have in the end.

I will forever owe her my life and am forever grateful for the woman shes made me. Until that dreaded day comes, I'll continue to visit her every Sunday, keep all her plates, cups, random clowns that scare my kids and T because theyre all her and theyre all me.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Happy Halloween

Last night went GREAT! The kiddies had fun! Half way thru we let Kayla and MeKai wear our zombie heads and they loved it. They were really good sports about it all :) For those of you who dont know, they were punished and had Halloween taken away.

Here they are! Khalese was the cutest little black cat :) T made the zombie heads at work. She so freakin talented I wish she would just embrace her artistic side!

This is me! Every year I say Im not gonna dress up but I end up making something and here I am! This was the tutu I made for Kayla but after she decided that she was just too busy to remember to pack her soccer shoes for practice on Wednesday I decided to keep it to myself :)

My zombie wife! I love waking up to that face every morning. Im such a lucky girl ♥

The neighbors pumpkins. So creative!

The zombie heads. I loveeee these. I wore the girl zombie on my back and T wore the boy. Once we thought Kayla and MeKai had suffered enough, we handed them over to them :)

Hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween! I know we did!